The Beginning of the End

Today was quite a slow start. Ruth and I went to the pharmacist, and counted some pills. I love it in there. Its nice and relaxing and it reminds me of Grandad O'Hare's pharmacy in Derry! Some girls from one of the other projects came briefly, and were quickly shown round. After that we went to visit Charmain. She didn't look too good today. She was lying in bed, with her covers pulled over her head complaining of the cold again. She was clutching a tissue to her mouth and it had blood on it and her eyes looked a lot more yellow. Her neighbour Gladys asked us to read from the Gospel for her so we started doing that. Charmain kept interrupting asking her legs to be moved. Then she started saying my speaking was making her dizzy and giving her a headache so we decided to stop! She must have really been feeling worse today though as she didn't even protest that we were leaving her. So thats a bit worrying. Then I spent some time with Thandie. I went to the mall to get her something from the shop. When I got back she told me I had to have my picture taken with her and give a copy to her, and told me I'd have to keep in touch. Then she took my hand and started crying because she didn't want me to leave. I'd mentioned it to her before I went to the mall that I was leaving on Saturday and she did seem really surprised. I think she thought that I had a few weeks yet. I gave her a hug but it didn't seem to console her much. I said I'd stay for a while, so we chatted. Every now and again she would give me a look and her eyes would well up, so I tried to keep the mood light and chat about things like food. It was so hard because Thandie is like a real friend. I can chat to her about anything, and I really enjoy chatting to her as well. I wouldn't mind leaving if I knew that the next volunteers would give her as much attention, or if the nurses situation was better, or if her legs were improving faster, or even if her husband would be a bit more supportive. Its the same with Edward. He needs a lot of attention and he doesn't like big groups. He prefers more one to one conversation but he can be quite loud and rather honest about his feelings which some people might find a bit awkward, so I can't be sure that the next volunteers will give him attention and he REALLY needs it because he's so lonely and bored. Anyway, I'm going to try and enjoy this last week but I just know its going to be a quick countdown until its all over. I think today is just the start of the heartache!

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