Oona O'Hare

Thank You and Goodbye

Wed, 27 Aug 08 20:15:10 +0200

Before I start my last message I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who has read this blog, and sent messages. Its been really comforting and its great to know that people might have a better insight into the situation in Africa now.
Leaving on Saturday morning was really sad. I'd already said my goodbyes to the patients so I only had to worry about saying goodbye to the other volunteers. As soon as I gave Tiara a hug I knew I was going to cry and just let it happen. They've all seen me cry too many times to pretend I'm not a crier! It all seems like a blur now though, and I can't believe its already been 4 days since I left the DC.
The last few days in Cape Town were good. Its a totally different world from the Dream Centre though. Everything is so pretty and nice and touristy. It was really nice having an extra few days with Ruth and Elle too, and to have someone to enjoy Cape Town with. We went to the biggest wine bar in the world, quite an achievement!
I got back home safely last night and was absolutely exhausted. Its nice to be back, but I'm definately missing the DC. I woke up this morning expecting to be in my little room and got really confused when I wasn't! Its hard to imagine that there are new volunteers there now, getting to know the place and working with and chatting to the patients, who I miss a lot. I think the worst thing is going to be not knowing whats happening to them.
I've been arranging to meet up with friends and catching up with people and it feels weird to slot back into life again. I guess the best thing any of us volunteers can do is make sure we tell everyone what it was like and make sure we don't forget the people or the place. I feel like the luckiest person alive though to have seen everything I've seen and met some of the most amazing people and made some really good friends.
It still frustrates and angers me that nothing more can be done to improve these peoples lives or stop people getting the illness in the first place, but I'm glad that i've witnessed first hand what happens to people with HIV in Africa and the sorts of things that are being done to try and help. The Dream Centre is doing really well but I hope that it continues to improve and grow and I know that there are people there who still really want to improve and make a difference for the patients, so who knows what the future holds for the Dream Centre. Over the last day or two before we left the water started to get luke warm...maybe there are brighter days ahead!

The last day

Sat, 23 Aug 08 00:12:37 +0200

Today started off a bit strangely. A lot of us were woken up last night by screaming that went on for hours. Apparently, a patient on the 4th floor tried to strangle another patient. There was one patient, Cindi, who told us that this has happened before but it wasn't taken too seriously. Thankfully, it was stopped before any serious damage was caused, and hopefully in the future claims like this will be taken seriously the first time. It was quite a strange day, torn between wanting to spend time with the patients and the volunteers. I think we got the balance right though. First I did an hour at the pharmacy. Then popped down to the laundry. We also spent some time going round giving print outs of the photos taken with some patients. They all loved them!
Ruth had the idea of having a goodbye party for all the patients, and getting cakes biscuits, crisps, squash etc for it. So while we got those things, we also went for one last lunch at the Mugg and Bean. It was bittersweet! After lunch I spent some time doing Thandi's and her roommates nails then we had to start getting all the sandwiches and food ready for the party. We found some decorations and put them up in the conference room. They looked really good, and once we got all the food laid out the place looked great. Unfortunately this did not last. As soon as the patients started arriving...carnage broke out. While the others got the patients down, me and Willy were left to feed all the patients. A massive queue appeared very fast and two hands were not enough. Especially as the patients were all very keen to make sure they had cake! We had to deal with all the special requests and the patients who were unable to walk to the queue. I was sweating after a while...running from table to table trying to fulfil everyones requests and serve as fast as possible. I'm never working in a restaurant by the way. Never ever. As soon as the food ran out, it was then time to start taking people back up to their rooms. I started to feel really nervous at this point too as I knew I'd have to start saying my goodbyes, but I helped tidy up the conference room and bring all the stuff back into the flat first.
I'm still gutted that Charmain has been away the last few days so I've not been able to say goodbye. I first went round those who I was familiar with, but not that close. It was on the 5th floor that I had most of my tough goodbyes. I first said goodbye to Lunga and S'celo. Lunga loves teaching me Zulu words and he's written me out a whole basic vocabulary. I can barely pronounce any of them though! Then I had to say goodbye to Edward. I think I'll worry about him most (and would appreciate any subsequent volunteers keeping me updated and making an effort to keep him company, especially by taking him out to the Mugg and Bean) because he's fit enough that he'll be around for years, but he really has no one to look after him, or really give him any attention. He hasn't even got any room mates, or any friends here.
I saved the toughest one till last. Thandi. I didn't stay long with her because I was getting too upset. I'll really miss her. Again...any volunteers going to the dream centre who read this...please look after her! But she's okay, she has so many people who care for her because she's so lovely. But still...I would love to be kept updated. I think thats the worst thing about leaving. I don't know what will happen to them and when.
When I got back to our quarters, I was of course quite upset. But I honestly don't know how I would have coped here without the other volunteers. They immediately made me feel better and have done so on many occasions. Its going to be even tougher to say goodbye to all of them, as they have been such an important part of this whole experience. Its hard to imagine life without them. Thankfully university has made me used to having to say goodbye to people, but it doesn't seem to be getting easier.
But its not over until the fat lady sings. Ruth, Elle and I still have 2 days left in Cape Town together. It seems like a lifetime ago that I was last in Cape Town. Its going to be weird to be back there. Elle and Ruth leave on monday morning, but I don't until monday evening. I'm quite glad I'll have some time to myself to reflect on the last month before having to head home, but I'm dreading saying goodbye to them. Will write more soon.

Last day tomorrow...:(

Thu, 21 Aug 08 21:11:49 +0200

Not much to report from the last few days. Its been quite quiet. We all went out for the last Kareoke night at the Schlurp on Tuesday evening. Wednesday was therefore a rather slow start. I spent ages talking to Lunga and S'celo, guys from the 5th floor. We chatted for hours, it was really good! They told me all about what they thought of the dream centre and about apartheid and foods you can get in South Africa. I told them about hospitals and HIV in britain and about the food we eat. They were very surprised that we eat rabbit and duck as they don't! Charmain has been gone for the last few days, and I don't think she'll be back tomorrow for us to say goodbye as she is at the hospital having her bed-sores treated. About time to be honest they looked so sore and painful, but I am sorry I won't get to say goodbye.
Today was quite slow too. We spent some time going round and taking photos with patients we've become close too, and then went to the mall to print them off for the patients. I still don't think its really hit me though that tomorrow is my last day. I feel like I could definately do with another month here. I don't really feel like I've done the things I wanted to. I've definately neglected the psychology department, but I think I just felt like there was nothing I could really contribute. I would have loved to have at least made a start on getting some more psychological care for the patients, but I have no idea where the time has gone. Its actually flown by at a ridiculous pace. I feel like there were lots of things I wanted to do that I haven't done. I haven't made any contribution that will have a lasting effect. But it has been an amazing experience. I've met so many people who I think I am far better off for knowing, and I've seen some absolutely awe-inspiring sights at the hospital and on our trips at the weekend. I am going to miss this place dearly, and it is going to be really hard to leave on Saturday morning. I am going to miss the other volunteers a lot as well, and I've come to see them as my family here. We've been together so much its going to be weird to part from them. Hopefully we'll see each other again, and who knows, maybe one day I'll return to the Dream Centre. Anyway, I've still got one more day. One more day is better than nothing!

The Beginning of the End

Mon, 18 Aug 08 21:57:15 +0200

Today was quite a slow start. Ruth and I went to the pharmacist, and counted some pills. I love it in there. Its nice and relaxing and it reminds me of Grandad O'Hare's pharmacy in Derry! Some girls from one of the other projects came briefly, and were quickly shown round. After that we went to visit Charmain. She didn't look too good today. She was lying in bed, with her covers pulled over her head complaining of the cold again. She was clutching a tissue to her mouth and it had blood on it and her eyes looked a lot more yellow. Her neighbour Gladys asked us to read from the Gospel for her so we started doing that. Charmain kept interrupting asking her legs to be moved. Then she started saying my speaking was making her dizzy and giving her a headache so we decided to stop! She must have really been feeling worse today though as she didn't even protest that we were leaving her. So thats a bit worrying. Then I spent some time with Thandie. I went to the mall to get her something from the shop. When I got back she told me I had to have my picture taken with her and give a copy to her, and told me I'd have to keep in touch. Then she took my hand and started crying because she didn't want me to leave. I'd mentioned it to her before I went to the mall that I was leaving on Saturday and she did seem really surprised. I think she thought that I had a few weeks yet. I gave her a hug but it didn't seem to console her much. I said I'd stay for a while, so we chatted. Every now and again she would give me a look and her eyes would well up, so I tried to keep the mood light and chat about things like food. It was so hard because Thandie is like a real friend. I can chat to her about anything, and I really enjoy chatting to her as well. I wouldn't mind leaving if I knew that the next volunteers would give her as much attention, or if the nurses situation was better, or if her legs were improving faster, or even if her husband would be a bit more supportive. Its the same with Edward. He needs a lot of attention and he doesn't like big groups. He prefers more one to one conversation but he can be quite loud and rather honest about his feelings which some people might find a bit awkward, so I can't be sure that the next volunteers will give him attention and he REALLY needs it because he's so lonely and bored. Anyway, I'm going to try and enjoy this last week but I just know its going to be a quick countdown until its all over. I think today is just the start of the heartache!

A new appreciation for eyes

Sun, 17 Aug 08 21:44:36 +0200

Yesterday we went into Durban to go to the Victoria Street Market and see Laura, one of the volunteers at another placement. However...on the way I got something stuck under my upper eye lid. It was horrible. The whole way on the bus I could barely see or blink. It felt like something was actually slicing into my eye, but no matter how much I looked in the mirror I couldn't see anything. By the time we arrived in Durban I was getting pretty panicked. It didn't help that Durban was absolutely heaving with people, and we didn't know where we were going, so LOADS of people kept coming up trying to help, but all telling us different things. We went to the market, but had to carry all our baggage with us. It was so packed everywhere we went...it was pretty stressful. It was quite dirty and industrial. There were some nice things, but I already had most of my gifts and stuff so I just bought a few things for myself (yey!). We got something to eat at a place called Pie City. Then we headed down to Ushaka marine world again to wander about there. Durban isn't that nice to be honest, apart from the beach front. Later on we met Laura and another volunteer for dinner at Moya. This place was huge and really rustic looking. The tables all had big thick blankets. It was probably the most friendly and welcoming restaurant ever. We got complementary bread and dips while a lady painted our faces with little flower designs. The food was absolutely amazing. The portions were huge! It was probably expensive for over here, but my main course was probably not much more than 7 quid. I've never tasted food this good before at any price! Singers came round all the tables everynow and again. They also did some african drumming and dancing, as well as more random routines throughout the evening. It was just a great atmosphere. After that we went to the Hostel Laura stays at. One of the staff members there was leaving so there was a massive party going on. We were really lucky actually as we got a free upgrade to one of the flats, when we'd only booked an 8 person dorm. It was great! We had a drink or two at the party but then headed to bed. This morning we got up and walked to the botantical gardens. They were huge and I'm pretty sure we didn't see the half of them. We probably would have stayed longer if it had been warmer. It was quite a chilly day. After that we walked to the Musgrave Centre to have a look round the shops and watch the Dark Knight at the cinema. It was a good day but it sucked having to lug all our bags with us. My shoulder is totally destroyed now! Oh, we also saw the security guards totally rugby tackle a thief to the ground. It was pretty brutal actually there was about six of them, and one criminal. A few of them gave him to odd punch too which seemed a bit overkill. All the shoppers went running over to get a good look and some of them found it really funny. I failed to see the humourous side.
Anyway, last week starts tomorrow. I don't even want to think about that!

Thursday and the Missionaries

Fri, 15 Aug 08 12:59:32 +0200

Thursday was quite a tame day - nothing very exciting to report. Me and Elle went to the Pharmacist to help count pills (I love doing that, its so relaxing). Charmain is doing okay, she's getting out of bed for a bit at least and is able to sit in the garden. But told one of the other volunteers that she was left in the bath for an hour the other day so thats not good. The other patients are okay too. A few even seem to be getting better. There is one lady - Cindy - who has had her hair done and just seems a bit brighter. So towards the end of this week its been a bit more positive. I spent the afternoon yesterday playing cards with some of the guys on the 5th floor. I might go up again soon so they can teach me a very confusing game. I really have no idea how to play it, but I'll try!
In the evening yesterday we had quite an eye opening experience. Some of the missionaries that some times help out here invited us to a reachout group that they do on thursday evenings. So we went along to see what it was like. We all went with one team leader to various shelters and projects in Durban. We went to a homeless shelter called the Nest. We only had about an hour and a half there so we barely had time to speak to anyone and it was MASSIVE. There must have been at least 100 beds all in this one big room. There was a kitchen and a smoking room off to the side as well. We spoke to a few people and one lady was really cool. She was really feisty and was telling us all about how you can't take crap off men! There was one lady though who didn't seem too keen on us. The missionaries goal is to convert people (which they openly told us at the beginning of the evening) so this lady starting saying very loudly how we don't help, all we do is talk about religion. Maybe they do offer practical help some times, but certainly our experience last night did seem like a bit of a waste of time. I was a bit offended as well when the guy who drove us to the shelter played us a song about who does and does not get into heaven and it was very extreme and I found it quite offensive and it is certainly not in line with my religious beliefs. But each to their own I guess.
Today so far has been quite good. We went over to SASSA to escort some patients getting benefit forms, then we helped out the pharmacist again, then we hung out with Charmain for a bit outside. It was ROASTING but she still kept saying she was cold. Not a good sign. But she just seems brighter being out of bed, but is still in a terrible amount of pain. I can't remember if I told you I got her a hat. But I did, a nice plain baby pink one, it suits her actually and she keeps wearing it which is good. She must like it! Anyway, last weekend now...can't believe it. I wish I wasn't leaving. This time next week, I'll be packing up! Boo.

Kareoke and Volunteering day

Wed, 13 Aug 08 23:16:33 +0200

Well, the day after was not that much more positive. Some of the other volunteers were a bit upset because a few patients died. So, all feeling a bit down, we decided to go to kareoke across the road. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to muster the strength to really enjoy it, but I'm really glad we went. We all had a great time and it was nice to feel alive and energetic. Sometimes you can feel a bit lethargic here.
Today was a very interesting day. It was the volunteers day where we get to go round to all the other projects and see what they're like. First we went to the tree clinic which is where community women and their children can meet under a big tree for medical and personal care. We spent ages playing with some of the kids, but unfortunately, today has been the one really hot and sweaty day! It was fun playing with the kids. But there was a bit of an emergency. There was a lady who walked for miles to get here who had been beaten with a metal pole on the way. She had a massive cut on her forehead. The police came but because the woman was drunk, they wouldn't take a statement. We had to try and keep all the kids away while the medical people fixed her up a bit. I think it looked worse than it was, its just a horrible thought that she was beated up at all. Apparently it was part of an on going feud, not sure of any of the details though.
I think the project that most stuck out in my mind was bobby bear, the place that uses teddy bears to get abused children to talk about their experiences. It seems amazing and the staff that we met had actually been abused themselves and just seemed like amazingly strong people, it was good to see. After we saw all the projects we all went for dinner at the Ushaka marine world in Durban. It was really nice to see Durban finally. Not much else to report at the moment. Feel like I've not seen the patients in ages, as today was such a long day. I'm looking forward to seeing them again tomorrow!
Oh, and just wanted to say thanks again for all the messages!

Frustration with a captial F

Mon, 11 Aug 08 20:44:41 +0200

Today was a bit tougher. I think I started to really feel completely useless. There I spent most of the day painting the ladies finger and toe nails. I loved doing that, and the ladies seemed to like it. Shame theres nothing equivalent for the lads! Anyway, there was a lady on the 4th floor - Charmain, the girl we gave knitting needles to (I can't remember if I've mentioned her before) and she's quite bossy and demanding, so there aren't many people who have time for her. But she has no one. She hasn't spoken to her husband or children for years and the only family she has left is a drunk of a brother, so she gets no visitors and because she's quite vocal about her concerns, the nurses tend to avoid her. But all she wants is company (and sweets) so I tried to sit with her today as much as I could. She was really down today though because she's in a lot of pain and her matress has been put on the floor because she fell off the bed yesterday.
While I was talking to her, the nurses came in and re-dressed her bed sores. They are awful---they are like actual holes in her body, with black bits stuck in them. The nurses just shouted at her because she had pooed in the bed, and didn't call for a nurse. But she has constipation and can't always tell when she really needs it. Anyway, apparently she can't have ART yet because her liver is failing (it really is...her eyes are all yellow). But she's getting really frustrated without it. She speaks perfect English but not much Zulu, again why the nurses don't spend much time with her. I think she has all her cognitive capacities. Shes quite young (38) and just seems to really understand and communicate very well. But anyway, she started saying that she wants to die today. She said that she can't eat, or sleep or even cry and is in so much pain but cannot move at all. And theres absolutely nothing I can do for her. Shes not long for this world really, but the condition she's in just now, thats probably for the best. And I cannot believe that I actually believe that. I told her to stay strong and positive, but if I was in her place, I don't think I could. The girl in the bed across from her died over the weekend. She was really young and on Friday she was moaning a lot and in masses of pain, so its good that shes at peace now. I just wish Charmains last days could be a bit more comfortable. I'm going to buy her a hat tomorrow because she is always freezing. They have to keep all the windows open to keep the TB from being too infectious apparently. Its not much, but its about all I can do right now. Feel like punching a wall at the moment though. Anyway, lets hope tomorrow is a bit more positive.

The Drakensberg Moutain Range

Sun, 10 Aug 08 20:00:28 +0200

We just got back from our two day tour of the drakensbergs. This trip was much different from the last one, it was just 6 of us from the dream centre whereas last time there was all 8 of us plus five from Agape. I'm so tired so I'll try to be quick. It was a great weekend. We left at 5:30am on saturday (yesterday) and got to the Drakensbergs around 8am. It was freezing, so we all purchased extra hats and gloves in a shop before setting off on the days drive up the Sani Pass. We all got into a jeep type vehicle. It took hours to drive up the pass because it was so windey and very very very very bumpy. I cannot express how bumpy it was and I cannot believe that car made it up and down in one piece. It was an absolutely spectacular drive. Half way we had to show our passports to enter Lesotho and got extra stamps on our passports...yey! The mountains didn't look real most of the time...they looked like someone with an extraordinary imagination painted them. And the sky was completely cloudless. We finally got to the top and visited a traditional basotho village and were invited into one of the huts. It was really cold outside but it was surprisingly warm inside. We got to tast traditional beer and bread made inside a cow pat oven. Nice. It was actually. Then we went to the highest pub in Africa. It was so lovely. When you stepped inside it was like walking into a hot bath. There were fireplaces and comfy couches everywhere. Unsurprisingly it was heaving, so we all got a hot chocolate and waited outside on the patio, waiting for a table to become free. It was such a nice experience. I would have loved to have just curled up with a book and drank hot chocolate all day but we had to drive back down which was TERRIFYING! The views were well worth it though. That took all day so we just went to our very rustic lodge to relax for the evening. We had a lovely fire and all curled up in front of it. Unfortunately, I saw a massive spider in the bathroom so when it came to time to sleep, and the light went off I was terrified because it was so dark. My eyes never adjusted to the dark and there wasn't so much as a snifter of light because we were in quite a rural area. My mind ket creating pictures of the massive spider appearing on my face in the dark. Twas not good.
We got up early today to go for a walk in the drakensberg to see some of the bushman paintings. One of our group wasn't that well so we had to take an easy path, which suited me fine! It was a glorious day too and although we all woke up like blocks of ice and were actually in pain in was so cold when we first started, it warmed up surprisingly fast. The paintings were in a cave behind a waterfall. There weren't many paintings but they were still cool and the waterfall was beautiful. I honestly don't think there are words that I can use to describe how beautiful the scenery is there.
After lunch it was really warm so we went on a pony trek through the mountains. It was really amazing. I'd never ridden a horse before and it was really bizarre and I have to say not too pleasant at first, especially when the horses start trying to clamber up rocks and over rivers. But it was great fun, we were all trying to get the hang of steering and trying to overtake each other, but the horses did not play ball most of the time. Mine wanted to stop to eat - a lot. We tried cantering and a few tried galloping, but I just quite enjoyed sauntering along. Although, my horse did try to drag me through a very low hanging tree branch and my sleeve got caught so I was really worried for a second that I was going to be pulled off backwards but it was okay! Oh and I nearly fell off when I tried to dismount, but Irma and the horse lady caught me. I was so ungraceful. Ann has the best picture of me trying to get on the horse, and the trainer womans hands are firmly placed on my behind giving me a good shove up! It was so warm by this point too and once I got used to the horse and began to trust it, it was really very pleasant. I did not like going fast though. I don't think I'm going to be able to sit comfortably for a while!
So it was a great weekend all in all, and now for another week at The Dream Centre.

The end of the second week

Fri, 08 Aug 08 21:16:45 +0200

The last few days seem to have passed really quickly. When you don't write your blog for a while, its hard to remember everything you've done. We celebrated the end of the stirke by going to the pub. It was a great laugh! The next day was a bit slow to start due to the late night. We didn't really do much yesterday. There was a patient on the 4th floor who had a birthday and a few of the volunteers know him quite well and so we threw him a surprise party and got him some cakes and a card and a present. We put balloons in his room while he was in the garden and all shouted surprise when he came back. He seemed really touched by the gesture, and it really did make his day, he was really grateful.
We had movie night yesterday too. It went well. But there was one woman we encountered when we were taking patients back who was really distressed. She's completely deaf and got really confused when people left to go watch the movie. She thought it might be morning and wondered why no one was coming to give her a bath, and thought she wasn't getting one because she was being punished. She doesn't understand Zulu as well as English and the nurses hadn't taken the time to explain things to her. She kept saying everyone was telling her not to be such a cry baby and even claimed that the nurses had hit her. I'm not saying thats true because I know that she was very confused, but either way she was really really distressed because she couldn't communicate with anyone. One of the volunteers had the idea of making her some flash cards that she can point to, or that we can point to in order to communicate with her. But last night we had to spend a lot of time with her explaining that she wasn't being punished and it was actually night time, not morning. Eventually we got her to go to sleep. It upset quite a few of the volunteers because she was so so distressed and there was so little we could do for her.
Today was a good day. I finally got to help out with the physio department. I'd been trying to for a while, but never got the chance. So i helped to bring some patients down, but I didn't manage to convince many of them to come. Then we took some up to the gym after the group session and helped them on their personal training. After that we took the patients back to their rooms. There is a really cute guy on the 4th floor who's wheelchair bound and dumb, but he's really nice and laughs a lot. I'm not sure how aware he is of his condition or where he is, and seems to be a bit innocent, but he's a very pleasant man. We bumped into Edward and Ruth and I took him for a trip to the mall. We sat and had a drink at a coffee shop. I had an amazing milkshake...yummy! It was such a small thing, but I think it made Edwards day. Again he was telling us about how the war has screwed him up in the head, but I don't think there is much available for him therapeutically speaking.
We also spent some time with a lady on the 4th floor who is really lonely. She is relatively young, but had no family or friends. Shes quite demanding and always asks for sweets or bubblegum but she's quite funny. We gave her some wool and knitting needles just to try and keep her mind of the pain in her legs. We spent some time with her later on too and she's started knitting a pink thing, not quite sure what its going to turn out to be. When we went to see her, it was just to check how the knitting was going, but she asked us not to go. So we chatted to her for a while and I rolled her wool into a ball for her, but when we eventually left to go get some dinner, she said she missed us already. I felt really bad for her, and I think some of the nurses and staff get annoyed at her because she's so bossy. But I quite like her, she's easy to deal with, she just tells you what she wants with no trying to mind read! She was telling me how she used to be really beautiful. She's still quite beautiful, but shes REALLY REALLY thin and the whites of her eyes are yellowing quite badly. She's not even on ARV's yet, not quite sure why. I felt useful today, even though it doesn't sound like we did much, but I felt like I spent some good quality time with some of the patients, which is the most important thing about being here.
Anyway, off to the Drakensberg tomorrow. I feel slightly guilty about that, and when the patients ask if we can come see them over the weekends, I tend to lie and just say we're busy rather than that we're going off on a jolly. But I must admit, it was really nice last weekend to get a break. We do live here at the hospice so its hard to get a real break.
Have a good weekend everyone, and thanks very much for all the messages of support. Glad to know that people are really reading this!

The Strike

Wed, 06 Aug 08 16:56:55 +0200

I was expecting today to be really really hectic, and constantly running around trying to fill in for all the absent nurses but it wasn't half as bad as I thought it was going to be. There were a good few nurses on each floor so it wasn't much different from a normal day expect we had to be up earlier to help serve the food. We had an pleasant surprise too in the form of 3 volunteers from Uthombo (I think thats how you spell it!), one of whom I knew from England so that was really good. It was a shame I couldn't have spent more time with them because we had to work, but they had a volunteer who has been here before so knew their way around.
The morning was a bit uncomfortable though because there is a lady on the sixth floor who has a urine sac and cannot stand at all. I was going around the sixth floor with another volunteer, checking that the beds were made and she called us in and asked us to get a nurse. The other nurses were busy so we had to help her ourselves. She had deficated all over the bed and we had to clean her up, which is not easy because she is completely immobile. There was so much faeces and we had to use about 6 plastic bag things to clean it all up and I had to really get into all the crevices to clean her up as best I could. It wasn't a great job but it was the best I could do. She was so embarassed by it and started crying. She said that she didn't want to eat anymore because she didn't want this to keep happening. She kept thanking us and apologising. I told it her it wasn't necessary and was going to keep coming back to check she was eating. I felt really bad though, it was possible the grossest thing I've ever had to do to be honest. She said she never gets cleaned apart from when her children come to visit, the nurses tend to tell her to do it herself. Whether thats true or not I don't know, but thats what she said. Either way she was very distressed.
So after that I just helped out at the laundry for a while and also sat talking to Edward. He likes talking to us, but he's a bit deaf and he definately has some postraumatic stress issues. Not sure what's being done about that. Vincent says they are waiting to put him into a care home which is why he has been here so long. I think Edward has other ideas though. He keeps saying that as soon as his TB is cleared he is going to be a plumber again (what he did when he wasn't in the army). I don't question it, its not my place really. One thing I will say about Edward is that he is very open and honest. He admits that he got his illness from a prostitute and he doesn't mind talking about his illness. Some are a bit more cagey and say that they have TB rather than HIV. I feel so bad for him, he is SOOOOO bored here. He has a TV and radio, but he's the type of person that likes to be up doing something. But because of his mental problems there is very little I can do for him. I think I'm going to teach him how to play sudoku or some card games. He took me to the library earlier and asked me to choose him a book. There weren't many and I was desperately looking for one that wouldn't involve war or dead bodies, which was quite tough. But I think I found him an okay one. I don't think he'll read it, he hasn't got the concentration for it.
Anyway, will write again soon!

Longest day ever

Tue, 05 Aug 08 22:33:01 +0200

I haven't really got time to explain everything that happened today, as we have to be up very early tomorrow to help cover the staff that are striking.
So I went with Thandie, one of the patients to the hospital, not realising how long it would take nor how far away it was. We left at 8am and got back at 6pm! The Hospital was fine, lovely staff, lovely hospital. Probably better than some of our private ones...it was immaculate and HUGE. But very confusing...got sent to loads of different places.
I felt terrible for Thandie. She really wants to get back to work, but she can't walk because she has neuropathy in her legs, so her nerves are wasting away basically. The doctor said its her HIV medication that is causing this, so there is nothing we can do. He sent us up to occupational therapy for some ankle splints to keep her foot in the right position so her muscles don't get damaged. She wet herself while we were there and I was completely alone dealing with her. I really struggled but I felt useful for once at least. And all the staff were so friendly there. They were very interested in who I was and everyone treated me and Thandie with such respect. So it was quite an alright day, I just wish the news had of been better for Thandie. She takes everything well though, she just says there is nothing she can do, but pray to God for strength.
We were done by 1pm though, but then had to wait until 5pm for the transportation to come. I'm glad I was there with Thandie because I can talk to her so easily and she can talk to me. She was telling me some very private information about her relationship with her husband, which I felt a bit awkward about, but was glad that she felt able to open up to me. But then, we did have a lot of time to kill.
A nurse from the Dream Centre had come with us, but I barely saw her all day. She came over at one point though while we were waiting for the ambulance and started talking in Zulu to Thandie, who then handed the nurse some money. I didn't know what they were saying so never thought anything of it. After she'd gone, Thandie told me that she had demanded money from Thandie, so she could buy some food and drink for herself. I was appauled. Thandie had offered to buy me a drink, but I refused naturally. I asked her why she didn't just say no, and she said that the nurse would hate her if she didn't and some people were just like that...needed something from you in order to like you. These patients are poor, probably poorer than the staff at any rate. But a few of the volunteers have had experiences like this. One patient asked one of the volunteers for their money, because the nurse had told him that we were keeping it for him, which we are not. The volunteer asked around but all the staff claimed no knowledge of this mans money. This happens a lot apparently. Its so frustrasting because all the directors know it goes on. We have a new TV and DVD player sitting locked upstairs in boxes, but we can't use it because we've been told it will definately be stolen. I don't understand why this is allowed to carry on. I don't care how poor the staff are, the patients are just as poor if not more so and the staff are abusing their positions. They should be glad to have a job, but instead they take advantage because they know there are no consequences. Its so irritating!
I also missed some excitement while I was away today. There was a patient brought in a while ago, who had been found naked on the motorway, and without her 2 year old child (who no one knows what has happened to) and very confused. She broke some glass today and tried to slit her throat with it. I think the nurses managed to calm her down without her hurting herself, but it must have been so awful. None of us volunteers had to witness it thankfully, but some said they could hear it from the Garden. Scary stuff. I just wish they were doing more here for the patients psychologically. Like Edward...he's been really messed up by the war and there is no psychological treatment for his PTSD, just drugs to keep him calm. He told me today that he can't sleep because he keeps having flashbacks. Its just no good enough. Feel a bit frustrated about that too. Wish I could wave a magic wand, but suppose if everything were that easy, life would be pretty boring. Easy to say that when life is as cushy as mine though.
I'll let you know how the strikes go tomorrow! Wish us luck!

Monday Monday....

Mon, 04 Aug 08 17:36:29 +0200

Well...the weekend was a great success. I think the best thing was the food and the hot showers! The lodge we stayed at was fab. Went on fantastic excursions including a cheetah sanctuary, a hippo and crocodile boat ride and a safari. And I am pleased to inform you that not only did we see the big five, we also saw Jiraffe and a cheetah in the wild...amazing!
But now for the important stuff. Today was strange. Its still really hard to know what to do. If you get up and help the nurses all the chores are done by 9am. Today Femke and I helped wash some patients. She's been shown how so she could show me how and I was glad of the supervision! I did feel a bit awkward because if it were me I would feel so degraded, having some young wippersnapper telling me how to wash, and having to wash my backside. But the lady was really nice so it was fine. Its really rubbish though because they don't have proper towels. They each have a face flannel to wash their entire body, then we have to rinse it and wring it out to wipe them down to dry them. And the water is cold.
We also had our first meeting with the psychologists today. I'm a bit dissappointed actually. Its great because we actually get to do VERY basic assessments of patients, but its hard because of the language barrier. Also, apart from just asking them how they are each week and teaching them about HIV and their treatments there doesn't seem to be much in the way of psychological interventions here. There isn't anything even mildly therapeutic. I'm guessing money is a big issue there.
So once we were done checking the psychological forms of a few patients, it was lunch time and after that, there isn't really much to do. A lot of patients sleep when there isn't anything on so you can't even chat.
We asked Vincent about Edward, the guy from Hull, to see if we could take him out for a day because he always seems so bored and he always says that he likes to go outside the hospital but there isn't much for him today, and I guess he doesn't get on with many of the patients because he's the only white dude. But Vincent says we can't take the risk because he has PTSD and has been known to freak out a bit in the past, so if we were out somewhere and that happened it wouldn't be good obviously. I was tempted to say I would go anyway but I wouldn't go alone and I don't think anyone else was comfortable with it. We're allowed to go for short walks with him, so I'll try and do that as much as possible. I think he likes having English accents around. He must feel so isolated.
After lunch I went with Irma and Ruth to get a phone for a patient but that was it really. Felt a bit useless to be honest. But never mind, tomorrow is another day, and Ann told me one of the guys on the sixth floor was asking for me so I'll go up and see him tomorrow. Hope everyone is okay back home!

Laundry, Pharmacy and Movie night

Thu, 31 Jul 08 21:07:37 +0200

Today we started going round to a few departments that we hadn't visited yet. First of all Ann, Femke and I went to the pharmacy. That was good, nice and relaxing. We just sit in a room and count out pills to put in bags and label them. I can imagine that as a task that is good for relaxing and switching off a bit. Then we went down to the Laundry...the guy there is all alone and as I'm sure you can imagine has MASSES of laundry to do. We spent an hour of two helping him sort out some piles and fold them. He was a really nice guy too. But a lot of the laundry was quite dirty even after it was washed, but I think they use pretty powerful chemicals to kill anything dodgy. But still, its not nice to handle so I can't imagine what it must be like to lie on it, but the place couldn't possibly afford to replace everything that gets badly soiled.
After the Laundry we were taken on a tour by one of the nurses to try and give us more of an idea about what to do in the mornings with feeding, washing and changing beds. I'm a bit nervous about doing that, just because its quite hands on and it could very easily go very very wrong but there is strikes next week. Vincent says that 85% of the staff won't be in, so we'll have to make the food, serve the food, clear the food away, get the patients up, clean them, change them, change the beds, possibly even give out the medication. I'm really worried about that. The other girls are med students so they are quite up for that, but I'm expecting to feel like a fish out of water.
Anyway, we also went to the church today. It was amazing. It was a womens session, so men were there but some of the women would get up and share their stories and then singing would follow each story. When they sang they all got up and danced and waved their arms and clapped. I didn't understand a word (it was all in Zulu) but I could tell how moving it was. Some people would start crying. The music was absolutely beautiful and you didn't have to be religious or speak Zulu to be very moved.
We also had our first movie night, it went quite well. I spent a lot of time with Thandie and she translated the film for me. I get on with her really well and I think shes quite keen on teaching me some Zulu. I have a rubbish memory though, so I hope she's not too disappointed! I think she likes me though, she always asks me to come back to see her. So hopefully thats at least one patient who I'll bond with!
We've got a long day tomorrow. We're going for a trial run in the wards tomorrow morning so we have to be up and ready for 7:30am! Then we're getting picked up and going on a safari to Hluhluwe (pronounced shushshluie). It takes three days, so I might not be able to write for a while. Speak later!

First real day

Wed, 30 Jul 08 22:28:09 +0200

Today was really tiring. We've been on our feet all day, but its been brilliant. We got up really early and had a meeting with all the staff from the different departments. Afterwards, we had another meeting with Vincent and were expecting another long session but he just told us to go and spend time getting to know the place, the patients, staff and departments. We all kind of sat there for a while not sure exactly what we should do, but eventually we went off in little groups and went around the floors introducing ourselves.
There were some patients (and staff) who weren't all that responsive for various reasons, but the majority were at least polite and would speak to you. Some were great fun and had amazing banter. Thank goodness I'm from Manchester. When you say you're from England, they just say 'oh' when you say Manchester instantly they light up and say 'ah Manchester United!'. I had a good long chat to one of the patients about David and Victoria Beckham.
I met Edward today too, he's from Hull. Both of us agree that we found it comforting to hear a familiar accent! I feel like I can easily get on with him. But its very strange to be around so many unfamiliar languages and voices, but then there's Edward, almost as if we're back in the North West! I already feel like there are patients who I would be most sad to leave.
I think now that I've actually made some progress at meeting the patients and getting to know the place, all those anxieties and worries have faded. We all have a much better idea of how we can help, and what each day will be like, and now we've made that first step towards getting into the swing of things, it won't be long until we're nicely settled I think!
Today was also our first Bingo night. It was a bit confusing at first because there was only one person who had seen what a bingo night was meant to look like. It didn't go all that smoothly and there was a lot of waiting around at first, but I think the patients were okay with it and had fun anyway. They seemed to like some of the prizes we'd gotten from the shopping centre earlier. It was also a great way to once again meet the patients you have made a connection with. One thing I'm really noticing is how difficult it is to pronounce everyone's names, and of course without being able to pronounce them, I can't remember any of them! I'm really going to have to work on that, because I can't remember anyone apart from Thandie and Edward! Still...first day and all that! One of the patients names involved a click. Its a very specific click though and there is no way I'm ever going to be able to say it properly. It gave most of the patients a good laugh when we tried to pronounce their names and failed miserably.
As a group, we all get on amazingly well. We spend a lot of time together chatting and cooking and writing in our travel journals. I don't think this would be a very nice experience without them and I'm really lucky to have arrived with such amazing people. We've just become one massive family already. So even though there may be tough times ahead, I think that as a group we'll cope no bother.
I can't believe its nearly our first weekend. I really don't know if a month is going to be enough! Movie night tomorrow, so hopefully that will be as successful as today!
Speak soon! XXX

Orientation

Tue, 29 Jul 08 22:23:05 +0200

Orientation was great...it really helped to just settle some of our nerves and anxieties. It also created some new ones, but let us know that we weren't alone and gave us a face for someone we can go to. Vincent, the dude we report to, is great. I think he is really easy to approach and will be very good in a crisis. But I have to admit I'm not totally sure if i'm going to be much help and it sounds like the previous volunteers have been brilliant. We've certainly got big shoes to fill. We got a tour of the hospital. It was a shock. Not in the same way as my experiences in Russia, because you knew everything here was in the best interests of the patients and it was just of a far better standard in terms of basic human rights, but we saw a few bodies covered up. I've never seen a body before so it was pretty uncomfortable and we were only in the room for a minute at most. I just tried to think that it wasn't a real person under the blankets. I know that probably doesn't sound too nice but I'm no use to anyone if I fall apart.
We heard some of the tales of woe about some of the patients lives and let me tell you...HORRIFIC in the most extreme sense of the word. Having said that, we were told that this place is called the dream centre because it creates hope for the patients and I'm already starting to see what that means. The staff certainly seem very open to new ideas are very keen to hear our views and criticisms and ideas. They really want to know how to make these people have a better quality of life and that in itself creates hope, even if its not quite there yet.
We've got another day of orientation tomorrow and then we properly start after that. I'm still not quite sure what we'll be doing exactly, but hoping it becomes more clear tomorrow. I know its going to be tough for a while until we get to know people and until people start to get to know us. Most of the patients looked a bit afraid of us, but I think it will just take time. I just hope I can actually help. But all us volunteers get on so well that I know if any of us are upset we'll come together as a group. It already feels like we've know each other for ages...hard to believe we only met yesterday!
So to sum up...still pretty tough (oh and still encountering many cockroaches!) but there is hope!
Speak later! XXX

Cape Town and Arrival in Durban

Tue, 29 Jul 08 10:20:21 +0200

Cape Town was fantastic. I felt quite at home there very quickly. The staff at the Ashanti were amazing and helped you plan everything. I went on a tour to Cape Point. We saw the Fur Seals and Boulders Beach Penguins, and climbed a bloody great mountain. At the top you could see miles and miles of ocean. It was a bit of a mind-warp actually. I got on really well with some of the people in the group, and we arranged to meet for dinner that evening. So we went for dinner on long street. They didn't have much for vegetarians, but what they did have was amazing.
Before my flight to Durban yesterday I went to Greenmarket square and got suckered into buying nearly everything I so much as glanced at...they're very good at what they do those sellers! I then went to the Castle of Good Hope. It was fairly simple, but had absolutely stunning views of Table Mountain looming over it. The weather was glorious too, not too hot, not too cold and very very sunny. I was quite sad when I had to leave because I felt like I still had so much I wanted to do. I might try to go back before the end.
Okay now for Durban....well...first impressions aren't great I must admit. I'm trying to keep an open mind. There are quite a lot of cock roaches and I've already had a spider in my room. Not a big one, but still, where theres one, theres more! Oh and we have no hot water whatsoever so you either have to have a freezing shower, of fill a bucket with kettle boiled water and use a jug. The hospice is quite big, I think there is about 5 or 6 floors. We haven't done anything yet, we've just got to know each other and went out for dinner at a really nice restaurant across the road. Again, not much for vegetarians but it was still quite nice. We all arrived yesterday, apart from one girl who has already been here a month. I'm not really sure whats going to happen today, or for the rest of the month but I know its going to be tough.
Anyway, I'll let you know more once we've had our orientation meeting which is in about 40 mins. I hope you're all sending me good luck vibes though!
Speak soon! XXXX

Arrival in South Africa

Sat, 26 Jul 08 18:56:20 +0200

Hi,
Just a quick intro for those of you that might not know...i'm over in South Africa at the moment and will be working in a hospice for people with HIV.
I've just arrived in Cape Town this afternoon and am spending the day here tomorrow before flying to Durban on Monday to start my volunteering.
Have to admit, its not quite as exotic as I thought it would be. Its quite cold and grey and the table mountain cable way is close for maintainence so I'm a bit gutted that I can't do that. I could walk it, but the weather isn't great so it would be pretty miserable. Have booked a Cape Point Tour instead which should hopefully keep me occupied for most of tomorrow and should hopefully be interesting. I might get to see some seals and penguins which should be good. Theres cycling involved though...don't think I'm too up for that!
Anyway, not got much time, just wanted to check in and leave my first message. It'll get more interesting from Monday hopefully!
Bye for now! XXXX